My Training Journey

The following reflective essay was submitted for the Spiritual Counselling Diploma

Reflections of a spiritual counsellor and hypnotherapist in training

It was after a random tarot reading that I ended up learning with the Holistic Healing College. I decided to visit a Body, Mind & Spirit Fayre and received a reading from an amazing lady. She did a general spread for me and was insistent that it all related to my career, not my relationships as I had thought as I was going through a bit of a rough patch. I was not looking to change jobs and I was still unsure, at the age of 44, as to what it was I wanted to do with my life “when I grow up”. She gave me a great bit of advice - just let go and ask the higher powers for guidance and they will give me a sign. Why not? So that night, I did just that, calling on the angels and guides and any other that may be listening to show me a sign. Lo and behold, two days later I came across an advert for the Holistic Healing College and their training courses. Looking into it, I felt a spark of excitement, threw caution to the wind, sent an enquiry, and by the end of the week was enrolled on the Spiritual counselling diploma to start two months later. Maybe that tarot reading was not so random after all. Maybe it was synchronicity.

And now fifteen months down the line, I am nearing the completion of the diploma and have enjoyed every step. Having attempted a counselling degree before when I was much younger, I was nervous and held some reservations about how this was going to progress. My experiences before felt very prescriptive and I struggled with my peer group. Maybe because at the time I was so young and did not feel that I was able to give anything useful to the group. But 20 years on, I have had much more life experience, meeting and working with so many different people including group work situations, and have slowly learnt to trust in myself and my capabilities. This course could not be any more different. Even on the first day I felt as if I had found my place, my people, my tribe. There wasn’t the usual discomfort and awkwardness of being in a group. Also, although I am interested in theory and research and case studies, the weekends were less about that but very much about experiencing, trying out different techniques and learning to trust in our innate abilities. It has opened doors to so much for me and has allowed me to really understand myself, as well as the many different potential ways of working within a counselling setting. There are aspects which I have chosen to work on or study further and will incorporate into my work or use for my own personal well-being, and these are the areas I will reflect on in this essay.

TAROT

The use of tarot and oracle cards over the past year has provided me with great support and opportunities for insight and self reflection. In completing the module on intuitive card reading, I have re-developed a connection for the previously disconnected Rider Waite Smith tarot deck I had in my drawer. Learning to ignore the booklets and crib sheets, and to trust my intuition and be guided by what I am drawn to on a card, I have started to enjoy using this set of cards and having done some successful readings for peers over that weekend, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. This has reengaged me with the world of tarot and I can see its benefits within a counselling practice - to open avenues for conversation, and a way for clients to receive potential support and guidance to issues they may be experiencing.

Over the training weekend, one card came up multiple times for me in my readings - the Queen of Wands. To me, she represents a nurturing figure within a community, as the wand symbolises creativity and communication. She sits on a throne raised on a plinth decorated with lions putting across her strength and courage. That the throne is atop the grey plinth, along with the clear skies, shows that she has control over her mental processes. In her hand she is holding a sunflower big in bloom, and sunflowers are also on the back of her throne, which signifies abundance and success in what she has put her energy into. The yellow of her robe signifies creativity and happiness. The black cat sitting upright in front of her acknowledges her mystical talents and shadow.

Interestingly, this card came up in the ‘how to move forward/what to do’ positions of two different spreads, both relating to the same issue. I feel that this card is encouraging me to embody the positive aspects of the Queen of Wands - to own my power and put it out into the world, to believe in myself and not be afraid to speak my truth, and to get to know and acknowledge my shadow. As an aside, during the guided meditation where I received a message from the High Priestess, the word written inside the indigo scroll was ‘shadow’. Coincidence?

SOUL PLAN

My introduction to the Soul Plan was eye opening and I felt an instant connection to it. The system based on the vibrational energies of one’s name really caught my attention as I had been introduced to the power of acoustic energy fields by my godfather when I was younger. He used dowsing to help identify allergies, and I was surprised that he was able to do so just by saying the name of the allergens aloud. I was too young and ignorant at that age to really understand when he tried to convey to me the power of words and sound (he was an acoustic engineer). Learning about the Soul Plan system reminded me of this incident, and I regret that I did not pay more attention to his wisdom when younger, as unfortunately he is no longer of this realm.

When presented with my own Soul Plan, I was surprised that it contained so few energies. But the few energies it did contain really resonated with me, so it was no surprise when it was explained that I would experience these energies intensely. My Soul Plan chart contained four 11-2s, two 20-2s and a 10-1 in a challenge position, therefore also giving me two dominant vibrations of the energies 2 and 11. With the 11-2 and 20-2 energies, there are also 3 polarities: wisdom-folly, life-death and peace-war. Some of the potential challenges associated with my energies include fear of failure and perfectionism, avoiding goals, ups and downs of mood, oversensitivity and insecurity. Some of the positive attributes include being highly spiritual, resilient, ability to assimilate concepts, and being inquisitive and adaptable. When I learnt what all this actually meant, it was as if my life and personality was an open book as everything that was said about all these energies were just so.

I have always felt lost and never felt that I truly fitted in anywhere. Although I was born in the UK, my family came from Hong Kong in the early 1970s. I was raised in a Chinese family according to Chinese culture. But I lived in a village where we were the only ethnic minority family. In my eyes I felt that we were truly alien in everything we did, not just by the language we spoke. My family had a take-away business which meant working unsociable hours. We used chopsticks at mealtimes and ate totally different foods. We had strange ornaments in our house. We had to remove our shoes before entering the house. We never called any elder by their names but by their relational title, or generic uncle/auntie, grandpa/grandma. Growing up, I had to adapt and tried so very hard not to stand out as different so that I could be accepted. I felt totally British, immersed in its culture. However I never felt like I truly belonged being very aware that I looked Chinese. I found that my values were not so readily accepted by my family. I valued independence and often felt trapped knowing that it would not do to displease my elders, and so my life plans were always focussed on how to leave and escape legitimately. This then led to a predictable path of university, travelling (although this was against my parents wishes), and getting a job many miles away.

I then met my partner and all felt fine for a while. Again I did what was expected of me and we got married and started a family. The birth of my son was traumatic and I thought I was going to die on that hospital bed. We recovered and fumbled our way through family life adding a daughter to the mix. Again I had the feeling that I was trapped in family life where I could not see a way out and my depression plummeted to the point of total despair and desperation and I wanted to end my life. I was hospitalised and medicated, but given the opportunity to engage with various types of therapeutic interventions. Through engaging with the recovery program in hospital, continuing with 1:1 therapy, EMDR, hypnotherapy, couples therapy as well as tapping into my creativity, analysing dreams, and turning towards the spiritual, I have re-emerged much more aligned with my soul destiny.

My energies highlighted that there may be a near death experience, and that I would need to overcome the challenges of inner vs external turmoil. I truly believe that if I had not experienced the childhood that I had, and if I had not lived through the traumas I had and touched rock bottom, I would not have been able to become the person I am today. My soul destiny is 11-2, to gain resilience and structure in my life and to understand how everything works at both the physical and spiritual levels. This, I feel I am still working towards, although I am able to now acknowledge my strength and resilience. My soul's destiny is to also accept life events, express a high level of truth, and radiate an aura of resilience and comfort to others. Mid-way through this course, I made the decision to stop working in order that I could focus on my training and development, with the intention of starting my own counselling practice on completion of this course. It is my way of offering myself to others to help explore their own truths in this world.

MINDFULNESS & VISUALISATION

Prior to embarking on this course, I had heard a lot about mindfulness although I found it difficult to really understand what it meant. Some say it is about allowing the mind to go blank and not have any thoughts as we tend to worry about the future or ruminate about the past. Others say it is about slowing down and paying more attention to what we are doing and experiencing. I found that when I tried either of these things, I would ‘fail’ at my attempt in practising mindfulness as I could not prevent thoughts coming into my mind, and it’s difficult to slow down in day-to-day life with a young family and work. My other previous experience of mindfulness was through the use of guided meditation to aid relaxation and sleep. I did find that some form of body scan or yoga nidra really helped to relax the body and prevent the mind from wandering too much. I also found a Feldenkrais practitioner who helped me to learn to listen to my body again through mindful movement and nonjudgmental noticing. His explanation of mindfulness made more sense to me in that I was allowed to have the thoughts but I didn’t have to follow them, but just notice them. After the trauma I experienced from giving birth to my son, I had developed a distrust of my body and disconnected from it. This also resulted in disconnecting with my intuition. Listening to my body has enabled me to process the trauma that I have been carrying around in my body, as well as reconnecting again to my feelings and intuition. I really do think mindfulness requires continuous practice, in order to strengthen the skill of noticing and working in the present.

The mindfulness module helped to affirm this and really taught me how to stay in the present with the client, to notice and be curious without being judgemental. Oftentimes conventional talking therapies involve only talking about what has happened in the past, and learning how we can behave differently in the future, but there is much to gain for the client to learn to identify what is happening for them in the present moment and how to respond accordingly. The client can then take this learning forward. Just talking about what has happened can often re-traumatise the client and it becomes difficult for them to move forward in their recovery. By shifting the focus onto how the client is currently feeling and whereabouts in the body they are feeling this, and by focussing on responding to the present feelings and emotions, the client can then learn to process and address these, thereby releasing and indirectly addressing the trauma held. It allows the client to readily identify and name what is being felt. This is a way of retraining the nervous system without having to relive the traumatic experiences, and the client is able to move forward in their recovery.

Being introduced to the usefulness of guided visualisations and its place in the counselling room really piqued my interest. My previous experiences of counselling had always only been about talking and education. Never would I have realised that simple visualisation exercises could have huge benefits and a place in the counselling process. I found that a simple grounding exercise at the start of a session really enables both the client and counsellor to become present and connect. Being able to imagine a healing or supportive bubble around us helps to create the safe space required for counselling and healing to work. This very simple exercise allows the client to fully arrive in the counselling room, tune-in to their thoughts and feelings, and to actively create the environment and dynamic which would allow them to be comfortable to talk and seek the support they require. The various visualisations we practised over a couple of modules were profound and as a result of this, I myself found a different therapist who incorporates a lot of mindfulness and visualisation in his work. Alongside the use of EMDR and hypnotherapy, he focuses very much on the present, working with whatever presents itself in that moment, and I have been able to reduce the severity of many traumatic memories and I feel that I have progressed much more in the short time I have been seeing him compared to my previous therapist with whom I had been seeking help for the same issues over two years. This really brought home to me how important it is to find someone who can work effectively with you, whatever technique or school of thought that may be.

This made me realise how amazing our minds are and capable of so much. We are only aware of a very small fraction of it. We have our conscious awareness, but there is also our subconscious mind. It is that part of us that works behind the scenes, and is responsible for a whole host of functions including the processing and storing of information, generating automatic responses, and our thoughts, feelings and reactions. The subconscious mind works without us being aware of it doing so. For example, we may walk into an environment and have a ‘gut feeling’ about the place, or we may respond to situations in a way where we don’t necessarily understand why. This is because the subconscious has been processing all the information it has picked up from the environment and other factors in the background, referencing them to stored memories, and in turn influencing our reactions and behaviours, all without us being consciously aware. From a spiritual point of view, the subconscious mind is a way to connect to our higher selves or divine consciousness. It is something that is greater than ourselves and where our intuition lies. Our intuition is our inner knowing and is usually our most accurate guide. If we think about those ‘gut feelings’, that is our intuition! I am learning to build strong connections with my subconscious mind through practices such as meditation, visualisation, journaling, dream analysis, and being mindful.

HYPNOTHERAPY & PARTS WORK/THERAPY

This then led to my love of the Hypnotherapy modules. Being able to guide a client into a deep state of relaxation and work with their subconscious is something I never dreamed of doing before. From a client perspective, I have greatly enjoyed the work I have achieved through hypnosis. On the advanced module weekend, I experienced a past life regression for the first time. I envisaged myself as a wise man in mid-life, in the desert standing under a canopy looking out into the shimmering light. I felt happy and at peace and the vastness of the desert gave me great joy. I also saw a blue figure nearby, indistinct but glowing and radiating love, as if that figure was looking over me. I was able to bring back with me that feeling of peace and contentment, and it feels like this is what I am aiming for in this life. I love the way that this work allows us to go with whatever comes up for the client at that moment. There is no judgement there and the client can explore whatever they are drawn to. I believe that the subconscious brings up these memories to help us with current issues we are working on, whether we consciously realise it or not. I turned to past life regression again in my own personal therapy when I felt I needed to understand my fear and desire to be on my own, travelling and not rooted. It was discovered that I had been left behind as a child when a village was ransacked by an army of men, and in another life I had lived in a busy port town and had a great desire to travel the seas but the times did not allow women to do much but work in the home.

One of the benefits of working with the subconscious is discovering and getting to know our ‘parts’. Parts Therapy is an approach that views a person as being made up of different parts or subpersonalities. Each part developed as a coping mechanism or in response to past experiences, and each has its own thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Very often we may find ourselves saying ‘… a part of me feels/wants…’ Sometimes these different parts can pull us in opposite directions and so cause inner conflict. Parts therapy allows us to communicate with the parts that are in conflict with each other and undergo a mediation process with them so they can come to an agreement in order to resolve the problem. This is usually done under hypnosis although it can also be carried out with guided relaxation, and there are other similar therapies which work with addressing parts in other ways, such as Psychodrama, Gestalt therapy, Ego-state therapy and Voice dialogue.

Learning and acknowledging my own parts has been hard work, but hugely rewarding. It has allowed me to understand myself much better and more fully. Certain personalities/parts are much stronger than others but allowing them each to be acknowledged and heard has helped us to be integrated. Because parts work uses the clients active imagination, this is a very client centred and potentially mindful way of working. Allowing the parts to speak their truths and to interact, as well as being brought into consciousness, not only allows for integration of these parts with the person as a whole, but also allows the client to transform.

FINAL THOUGHT

My fifteen months on this course has been truly amazing. I have laughed, cried, felt fearful, found insight and release. I have shared many experiences with my new soul family. I have been amazed and shocked at my own abilities (especially on the extraordinary senses module). I will continue with my learning and I hope that through my private practice, I can use these tools and interventions and my understanding of them to help guide others towards their true self and allow transformation to begin.